by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Sep 7, 2022
As a pastor and in the act of preaching, I always thought that it was my job to call people to do something. To take some action to make a difference in the world. And I figured that action was about organizing ourselves to fight against the injustices that are present in the world. But I’ve recently realized that I was wrong. I was wrong about love, and I was wrong about the power of love.
I thought love had no power. Or at least, no real power to change things. I judged that preaching about love, kindness, civility, and prayer was lacking in power.
Yes, I know Jesus said, “Love one another as I have loved you,” and, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, strength, mind, and soul,” and, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” But somehow, I always translated that love into fighting or into some sort of action against something. I didn’t understand the true power of love to affect change.
Recently, though, I’ve seen it in my life, and especially in my family life. I’ve noticed that when I fought things, what came back was more fight energy. When I fought things, there was resistance, because the only thing that could be available to the other person was defensiveness. Now that I’ve begun to employ the power of love in my family, rather than fighting, or pointing out where I think people are wrong, I’ve been amazed at what’s come back to me.
You know what’s come back? More compassion. More love. More openness. More understanding.
I think about the place that we’re at in the world right now. I think about the gun violence, the assault on democracy, how lies pass as truth. And, I’m not saying just lie down and take it. But I am saying that when we take on injustice, our actions must come from a place of love, rather than hate. Compassion rather than disdain, aligning with “God’s highest energies.”
There’s something about the energies of revenge, hate, and disdain, that call forth more of that in the world. I don’t know how it works exactly, but I trust it, and I know it to be true because I’ve experienced it. I’ve seen how fight leads to fight. But love, somehow, leads to breakthroughs. Not always predictable ones, mind you, but breakthroughs, nonetheless.
Instead of putting others down, tap into the powers of love and compassion by loving God, by loving ourselves, and finally by being able to love our neighbors. Find the scriptures that call us to that highest love and see what happens when people come from love. Then emulate that for yourself.
I admit that I was wrong about the power of love. It turns out it is the most powerful force in the universe, which is why the scriptures reveal to us that God is love.
The Heartmath Institute is one of my favorite organizations. It connects science and spirituality and has demonstrated through scientific studies that when the heart is engaged in feelings of compassion, kindness, appreciation, or love, that it actually has the power to change the hearts of people around it to be on that same electromagnetic frequency. In the same way, if you’re in the space of distress, disdain, anger, revenge, resentment, or hate, you also have the power to turn hearts in that direction. In other words, we have the power to influence those around us. Even furthermore, we can be intentional about creating change around us.
Love is a higher power than hate. Pastors, church leaders, people of faith: take heart that when you tap into the powers of love, you add more love to the world.
This November, I’m offering a 3-session workshop – Platinum Rule Leadership for Changing Times – where you will discover how tapping into the power of love can make a significant difference in your life, your congregation, and your relationships. Built upon the strengths of the Golden Rule, the Platinum Rule expands your emotional intelligence to help you become a better leader. I hope you’ll join me!
Copyright © 2022 rebekahsimonpeter.com, All Rights Reserved.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Jan 26, 2022
Lenten Practices
During Lent, we remember Jesus’ command: “Love one another as I have loved you.” My question is: is it still possible to love one another as Jesus loved us? We live in a world of us versus them, a culture of contempt. We are broken into camps around politics, theology, and understandings of race. Don’t forget human sexuality, biblical authority, and denominational structures. Did I mention the pandemic? Frankly, some of us are too tired to even be patient, let alone loving. Even with all that said, I promise you we don’t have to give up on love. In this article, I want to share the top four ways to practice love this Lent.
Does Love Equal Approval?
First, I want to share one common concern. That’s the concern that love means approval. If I am called to love you, but we disagree about fundamental understandings of the world, am I compromising my faith? Am I sending the signal that I approve of what I believe is sinful or unjust behavior?
Here’s what I have found. Loving as Jesus loved does not mean acceptance of behaviors or beliefs. It does however equal acceptance of the other person’s humanity, and their inner divinity. No matter how misguided you think their beliefs and behaviors are. In the end, judgement is God’s domain, not ours.
Now, on to the problem and the solutions: the four ways to practice love this Lent.
Why Loving as Christ Loved is Hard
Polarization tends to beget polarization and it takes us farther and farther from Jesus’ command. Polarization is built on fear and judgement. “I am right, and you are wrong. In fact, you are so wrong that I can’t trust you, talk with you, or even be me when you are here.”
These victim stances have no place in the consciousness of Christ. He ate with sinners. He interacted with Pilate. He did not try to winnow out the “other.” He allowed Judas to remain. He set personal differences aside and, in their place, created community amongst his people.
Four Ways to Practice Love This Lent
1) Practice Looking for Common Value Polarizing constructs are only given life when we act on them. By letting go of “us versus them,” you take the first steps toward loving as Jesus loved, and to creating community. Instead, let polarization dissolve by embracing the opposites, or by finding, identifying, and focusing on common underlying values.
2) Practice Listening When you are with someone you don’t love, listen for their humanity. Put yourself in their shoes. Ask: how has your personal journey brought you to this place? How has it shaped your perspectives?
3) Practice Extending Grace The person you can’t stand to love may look at you the same way you look at them. Surprise them by extending grace. Give them grace to make a mistake, to be on a different journey, to grow in their own timeline, and to be recipients of God’s love, and yours.
4) Practice Praying If you can’t find love within you, ask God to show you how, to teach you how to love them. If that doesn’t work, keep praying.
It’s Possible to Love One Another as Jesus Loves Us
The pandemic has shown us that there is no us versus them. There is only us. People from every walk of life and every country on earth have been impacted by the pandemic. If we hope to come through it with any sense of unity, we have to practice loving one another as Jesus loved us. It’s not automatic; it takes intention. I invite you to take on these four practices this Lent: looking for common values, listening, extending grace, and praying.
We don’t know everything the post-pandemic future holds, but the more we trust God in our approach, the more that we can live by Jesus’ command. Then, the more confident we’ll be knowing that we can survive and even thrive once again.
Excerpted and adapted from Rebekah Simon-Peter’s upcoming book (Market Square Publishers, 2022)
Copyright © 2022 rebekahsimonpeter.com, All Rights Reserved.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Feb 14, 2018
On Ash Wednesday, we remember how Jesus loved sacrificially. Jesus loved God, his neighbors, and even his enemies. His love for us has transformed the world.
As powerful as these forms of love are, though, there is another kind of love Jesus practiced that is even more powerful. And more rare. This love is the 5th quantum leap of faith Jesus invites us to make. All other attempts at love are diminished without this particular expression of love.
It’s tucked into Jesus’ most famous teaching on love: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. And love your neighbor as yourself.
Most of us—even the highly accomplished among us—can’t help but compare ourselves to others or put ourselves down. We make a national pastime of beating ourselves up. We can’t help it. It seems to be part of the human condition.
Each one of us has an internal voice that judges, assesses, and evaluates. It’s bad enough when we turn that voice on others: “Boy, they’re never going to make it; those poor souls, what’s wrong with them? Why does he always have to look so ridiculous? Why does she DO that? I’m glad I don’t look like that, act like that, talk like that, eat like that, or live like that.”
But the internal voice is downright abusive when we turn it on ourselves: “Geez, you really look fat in those jeans. Look how old you are getting. Rebekah, why did you say that out loud? Now everyone is going to think you are stupid. I’m not a very good friend. Why can’t you be more like him?” And on and on and on. We say the sort of thing to ourselves we would never allow others to say to us.
Can you imagine Jesus having that sort of internal dialogue?
Can you imagine Jesus saying to himself: “Geez, what a jerk I am. I know Peter would have stayed on top of the water, if I had just been more caring or instructive or given him more faith. What’s wrong with me? I know the disciples could’ve cast out the demons on the first try; I am a terrible teacher. If only I was a better lover of God they wouldn’t be marching me off to the cross right now.” Me neither.
“But Jesus was God,” you protest, “Of course he didn’t put himself down.” Yes, Jesus was fully divine. But he was also fully human. That means he must have had that internal voice too.
I wonder if that’s what the story of the temptation in the wilderness is all about. The voice of the tempter tries to lure Jesus into breaking his sacred connection with God. Jesus resists at every turn, instead, elevating God’s word and voice above the destructive one at hand.
Deep down inside, Jesus knew he was one with God, one with the Spirit, and one with all Creation. That knowledge allowed him to transcend the constant negativity that so many of us are saddled with.
Jesus wouldn’t be able to love God or us very well if he was constantly putting himself down. True love of others doesn’t flow well from self-denigration. True love of God is almost impossible from a foundation of self-hate. I believe Jesus was able to love us fully because he didn’t waste any time hating himself or putting himself down. Nor did he blame God for the way things were going in his life.
Do you want to love like Jesus? Then it’s time to take the last quantum leap of faith. To love like Jesus means to love ourselves, and our neighbors, and God. No one of the three kinds of love can be left out.
So how do we love ourselves? First, notice negative self-talk when it begins. Don’t let it go unchallenged. Second, surrender it to God. Only a spiritual connection can adequately counteract that voice. Third, laugh at it. Seriousness intensifies the voice. Taking it lightly is essential to disarming it.
Though we may never be able to turn off the judging, assessing and evaluating completely, with conscious practice, we can turn the volume of negativity way, way down. It’s all about practicing grace with ourselves, and others.
When we practice self-hate, self-neglect, self-abasement, or self-denigration, we harm and damage ourselves. When we practice self-love, we increase our ability to love others. On this Ash Wednesday and Valentine’s Day it’s clear that more love—not more negativity—is what’s needed.
Ready, set, leap!
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Feb 7, 2017
In grade school, I was part of a brief study on the meaning of love. My third grade class was interviewed, a few at a time, on the meaning of love. I thought I knew what it was until I tried to articulate an answer. “It’s when you like someone very much.” Even as I said it, I felt flustered, unsure. Somehow I knew those words came up short. But I also knew that I didn’t really know what love was.
As Christians, we are committed to love. It’s our watchword. It’s our definition of God. Our highest human ideal. Yet, in church, the practice of love often falls short. As leaders, we draw the circle of concern close enough so that our sermons, prayers and conversations don’t stray into areas that might evoke feelings other than compassion and care.
But what good is love if we aren’t called to exercise it?
Sure, we’re good at praying for the old and ill. We intentionally feed the hungry in our communities. We respond with killer generosity to victims of natural disaster. Those are all important.
But what about when love stretches us into terrain where disagreement crops up? Where we feel afraid or unsafe? How do we exercise love then?
I encountered it everywhere this week. One leader I coach came away deeply unsettled from a meeting with a denominational board that tried to anticipate future rulings on leadership and human sexuality. Later that week, I attended a small, local prayer vigil for immigrants, refugees and Muslims. It was for the community, but was overwhelmingly attended by clergy from a variety of denominations. Still later, I attended a gathering of citizens who aimed to transcend fear and exclusion by actively engaging the democratic process. My takeaway from all this? As leaders, we care deeply about the issues before us, but we’re not always sure how to engage or empower those we lead.
I get it. These are not easy topics. But they are important. Especially for us Christian leaders. They rightly engage our deepest values, and our deepest fears.
Paul wrote that God has given us not a spirit of fear, but of power, love and self-control. With that spirit, Jesus counsels us to “Love those who hate you and do good to those who persecute you.” This isn’t the kind of love I was familiar with as a grade-schooler. It still takes more heart muscle than I can easily muster.
I’m not alone. We live in a time of increasing angst. Tempers are short. Insecurity is high. Outrage is the new norm. It seems like anything can happen.
Friends, this is our time! It’s our time to demonstrate courageous love. In order for us to love in the midst of angst, we need practice. This won’t be easy. But it’s definitely do-able. Here are specific ways to develop our capacity to love.
Love of God
- Begin by creating time in worship for people to directly experience and receive the love of God. Invite folks to sit quietly in worship for a few minutes of guided or silent meditation. Follow it up with a ritual of candle-lighting or reaffirmation of baptism. Enhance the power of this experience by reminding folks that God’s love is not dependent on their good behavior, self-evaluation, being perfect or any other quality. They don’t even need to be loveable. They are loved simply because they are creations of God, made in the divine image. Jesus’ own love of us reaffirms this.
- Next, lead people in expressing their love and appreciation back to God. Giving thanks for the smallest blessings to the largest ones increases one’s spiritual and emotional resilience. Every week invite people to share 3 things they’re grateful for with a person sitting close by. Or invite people to write a gratitude list that can be added to the offering plate. This expands our connections, raises the vibration of worship, and heightens our appreciation of life.
Love of Self
- Doom, gloom, and critical self-talk is the default position of our brains. This makes its way to our hearts and gets expressed in our behavior. Being hard on ourselves ultimately means we are hard on others. Help your people practice affirming themselves. This is not selfish or self-centered. This is sanity. It leads to calmer people who have an overflow of love to share with others.
Love of Enemies and Persecutors
- Having cultivated emotional resilience and a reservoir of love, guide your people in sending intentional love to those around them. This works for people near and far. They don’t have to like them, agree with them, or approve of them. They don’t need to be loveable by them. But offering love to others in prayer—enemies and persecutors included—shifts the heart and embodies Christ. It makes new conversations possible.
- Guide your people in how to speak from love when interacting with enemies and persecutors. Reacting from fear, hate, outrage, vitriol, or fear only sets up a chain reaction. Encourage them to refuse to demonize others. Counsel them to look for the best in other people, and grant them the dignity due fellow human beings.
From this place of intentional love, lead your people to take actions on behalf of those the world does not love. Grounded in love, you will be able to keep your cool in the midst of angst.
More than anything, love invites us to step into the gap between fear and faith. Continue to cast a Kingdom vision of the Beloved Community, of the reign and realm of God. Don’t abandon it because it might be uncomfortable, inconvenient, or controversial. Instead, lift it up because deep down it’s what we all yearn for. In the end, it’s all we have to offer.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Mar 9, 2015
This Lent, I suggest giving up loving your neighbor as yourself. Likely, they deserve better. So do you.
Let me start by saying I think the amount of good going on in the world far, far outweighs the bad. For each terrorist, fraudster, bully or thief wreaking havoc, there are thousands more people doing the right thing, helping others, and shining bright light into the world. No doubt about it.
Even so, it needs to be said: We can do better on neighbor-love.
Because for all the amazing good that transpires without fail in the world each and every day, we are still putting up systems that don’t work for everyone. Here’s what I mean. We still put up with poverty. We still put up with homelessness. We still put up with persons of color being treated as second class citizens. We still wage war to settle differences. We still burn fossil fuels, ensuring scarcity and hardship for generations to come.
Yes, we can do better on neighbor-love. That’s why my Lenten suggestion this week is to give up loving your neighbor as yourself. Strangely enough, that means doing better on self-love. It all hinges on the word as.
“Rabbi,” a fellow Jew asked Jesus, “which commandment in the law is the greatest?” With 613 commandments, it was a favorite practice among lovers of Torah to reduce the Law to its essence. The prophet Micah reduced it down to three: “Do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God.” Amos boiled it down to one: “Seek me and live.”
Jesus settles right in the middle with two: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it. You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments, hang all the law and the prophets.”
For Jesus, Torah is all about love. Love of God and neighbor. And, equally as important, love of self.
In lots of circles, love of self gets a bad rap. It’s misconstrued as selfishness, self-centeredness or pride. Who wants to be seen as that? To be “good Christians” we gloss over the love yourself part. Big mistake. Because the love we show to our neighbors is a reflection of the love we show to ourselves: Love your neighbor as yourself. Not to mention the love we show God. Or the love we believe God shows to others.
If we don’t love ourselves well, how can we do right by our neighbors? You can’t give what you don’t have. Thus, we have put up with or perpetuate systems that devalue other human beings and the web of life itself.
The flip side of this week’s Lenten suggestion to give up loving your neighbor as yourself, is the permission to practice the art of self-love. In fact, it’s a plea!
By self-love, I don’t mean seeing yourself as better than anyone else. That’s just the other side of seeing yourself as less than others—both signs of lack of self-love. I also don’t mean feathering your own nest at the expense of others. Or not caring about your neighbors at all. Those aren’t expressions of self-love.
By self-love, I mean understanding and affirming that you are made in the image and likeness of God. Period. No matter your waistline, your skin color, what kind of hair day you’re having, your income, your employment or marital status, the behavior of your children or your parents, how well your church is doing or what your teacher once said to you.
Here’s what else I mean by self-love: Understanding and affirming that you are a miracle of life, a sacred expression of God’s unconditional, divine love.
And this: Thinking well of yourself even when you make a mistake. Giving yourself the gift of self-approval instead of incessant self-criticism.
And finally this: Accepting, honoring and valuing your own self.
That’s not to say that we ignore the ways we fall short of the mark. Or that we don’t ask God to help us do better. It’s just that shame and self-condemnation don’t work nearly as well on this as acceptance. This Gospel isn’t just for privileged or middle-class people. This is for everyone. This is the Kingdom come. One person at a time.
When we are able to reverence ourselves as beautiful creations of God, then we can begin to truly treat our neighbors right. That reverence, defined as a deep respect tinged with awe, spills over into other relationships. Even into our relationship with God.
A few days ago, I gathered with about 20 spiritual but definitely not religious men and women. They shared openly and deeply about their experiences with religion, mostly Christianity. I was astonished that all but two of them indicated they felt church pushed a God who was distant, threatening, judging, punishing. Not a God of love.
From my 20+ years of exposure to mainline Christianity, I felt this was largely inaccurate. Most every church I’ve been to speaks of a God of grace. Yet, even in our use of the term grace, or undeserved love, there is still a subtle lack of acceptance.
I can’t help but wonder if we haven’t projected some of our own “less than,” self-critical, fearfulness onto God. I know from my own deep study that we have falsely portrayed Jesus as an anti-Jew. Have we also made God out to be anti-human?
It’s time to reframe all our relationships in light of the command to practice love of self. What about a Jesus who stands with and for all people, with and for all creation? Not against. What about a God who has created all humanity and all creation with the divine spark of beingness? What about a Holy Spirit who dwells within each of us? Period.
Maybe then we’ll muster the courage and will to stop putting up with our neighbors being put down.
