3 Secret Reasons to be Grateful. Even When You’re Not.

True confessions:  I’m a recovering worrier.  I can worry at the drop of a hat.  I do some of my best work in the middle of the night.  When a problem gets resolved, my mind naturally searches for the next thing that could possibly go wrong so that I can get a head start.  Worry beads would be wasted on me.  I need boulders.

As bad as that may sound, I’m not as bad as I used to be.  I’ve made progress.  I’ve got more peace of mind, more calm and equanimity, a more positive outlook on life.  What’s made the difference?  Gratitude.

As a Christian, I used to be very suspicious of gratitude.  It seemed a frivolous luxury when there were still people in need, still problems to be solved, and messes still to be cleaned up.  Gratitude seemed better left for carefree atheists or Unitarians or some such people.   For me, a Jewish-Christian, worry equaled caring.

Gratitude has changed that for me.  Even so, I can still lapse into guilt at the holidays, what with its focus on thanksgiving and joy.  Is it really okay to feel grateful…even with people going to bed hungry, even with the globe warming, even with Trump soon to enter the Oval Office? If you’re like me, you may wonder:  What’s a worrier to do?

I thought this would be a good time to reveal the 3 secret reasons to be grateful.  Even if you’re not.  Especially if you’re not.
Gratitude grows faith.  In Philippians 4:4-7, the Apostle Paul famously addressed the worriers at Philippi.  “Rejoice!” he insists.  “Again I say rejoice!” Why the command to rejoice?  When we lace our prayers with gratitude, we create a protective shield against the corrosive power of fear.  Fear is the basis of worry.  While worry paralyzes, gratitude grows faith.

Is everything going right in the world?  Or in your church?  Sure doesn’t seem like it!  But worry and fear do nothing to change that.  Instead, maintaining a connection with the limitless flow of divine love protects us and empowers us.

Gratitude shifts perspective.  Worry and fear generate more worry and fear.  Gratitude opens up the door to new ways of thinking.  Sometimes I play the game of thanking God for things that I think are unjust, unfair, or just plain unwanted.  Like my dear neighbor getting cancer.  Or my insomnia, even when I go to bed at a decent hour.  Or the election of a president I voted against.

Fair warning:  It’s not easy expressing gratitude for things you don’t want.  I feel fake and self-conscious doing it.  But I do it anyway and my synapses get re-arranged.  Worry moves aside.  A new opening appears as I ask:  Could anything good come from this situation?
The answer is yes.  It’s always yes.

Now the yesses were there before I thanked God, but expressing gratitude for situations I didn’t want allows me to see them.  For instance, in the case of my neighbor with cancer, my prayer prompted me to have a different kind of conversation with her.  In the process, I discovered that she had reconciled with her brother, and adopted a stray cat. Who knew?  I wouldn’t have known that.  Likewise, sleepless nights prompt me to pray and mediate; things I don’t do enough of during the day.  Even Trump’s election has prompted all sorts of people to better make their voices be heard.

Here’s what it comes down to:   Pre-gratitude, all I can see is the bad.  Post-gratitude, I can see the good that is also transpiring.   It changes my perspective and expands my awareness.

Gratitude empowers.   Finally, gratitude jolts me out of resignation.  When I give thanks for the things I’m not thankful for, not only are my heart and mind protected from corrosive fear; not only can I see potential good in every situation; I am empowered to act in a way that brings even more goodness into the world.

At a recent church meeting, a group of leaders stopped to pray in the middle of a worrisome situation.  As a result, new ideas came to mind.  One of the women who had been very quiet, and very worried, began to smile tentatively, then more broadly.  “I know!” she said.  “Here’s what I think we could do.”  She surfaced an idea that got good support, and the group moved into action.  As a result, $12,000 was raised to support a family in need.
The world isn’t a perfect place.  Not everything goes the way we would like it to.  But that’s no reason to be immobilized by fear.  Take it from me, a recovering worrier.  Gratitude opens the way to faith, goodness, and action.  Try it this holiday season.  Even if you’re not grateful.  Especially if you’re not grateful.

Fear This: 4 Fears that Grow Your Leadership

There’s plenty wrong with fear. It’s implicated in the debilitating effects of stress, it’s related to the development of chronic illness, and it underlies addiction, violence and abuse. Dr. Lissa Rankin’s latest book, The Fear Cure, outlines the evidence behind this and more. But what if there were an upside to fear? After all, some of the greatest biblical characters suffered from fear. We know this because of how often angels tell their surprised visitants, “Do not fear.” From Moses to Joshua, and from Zechariah to Joseph and Mary, the heroes of our faith were afraid. Could there be something for church leaders to learn today? Discover three gifts that fear bestows, and how to embrace them in your leadership style.

Rankin discusses two kinds of fear. The first kind of fear is realistic. It’s the kind that sets in when someone is pointing a gun at you, or an 18-wheeler has veered into your lane and is bearing down on you. Fear this? You bet. This is a legitimate fear. Adrenaline will kick in and enable you to stay calm, be on high alert, act with unusual speed or kick into action in a way you didn’t know you were capable of.

The second kind of fear is the kind that is unrealistic: the thousand dreadful worries that never come to pass or the worst case scenarios we conjure up without even trying: What if my husband gets killed in an accident today and never comes home again? What if my child says the wrong thing in school and is bullied for the rest of his life? What if we get hit with some freak flood on top of this mountain and lose our home, our belongings and have to live in a homeless shelter for the rest of our lives?

Church leaders have these kinds of fears too: What if no one likes this sermon, no one gives today, everyone gets mad at me, and the church empties out never to re-fill? What if our mission outreach doesn’t work, people get discouraged, the Board calls a special meeting to dis me, and God hates me?
These are unrealistic fears that tax our bodies, deplete our spirits, and deaden our minds. They are also just the kind of fear that can grow our leadership. To understand how fear can help us grow, let’s take the word apart and look at several acronyms.

F.E.A.R. #1:
Flee Everything And Run

When the fight or flight mechanism kicks in, there’s a sign that something deeper is going on. If you catch yourself inventing unrealistic fears and responding as if they were real, chances are you are reacting to something bigger and older than the current circumstance. In other words, your buttons are getting pushed. Use this as an opportunity to notice, name and resolve old hurts. Separate out what is happening now from what happened then. It seemed I had a preponderance of gruff men in my congregation. Every one of them intimidated me. No matter what they said, I responded in fear and felt myself grow small. I was afraid to say what I thought if it contradicted them. I was afraid they wouldn’t like me. I was afraid I couldn’t stand up to them or they would say something I couldn’t handle. Turns out my buttons were getting pushed. My grandfather had been a gruff old man. I had transferred little girl fears into my adult situations. I resolved it once and for all when I was direct and no-nonsense with the final gruff old man at the church. I was pleasantly surprised when he took it all in stride, and delighted when gruff old men seemed to disappear from my life. Now I know how to stand my ground, and come from strength not weakness.

F.E.A.R #2: False Evidence Appearing Real

“I could never tell my congregation what I truly feel about gay marriage. That would divide the congregation. Trust would be gone forever.” So said a pastor friend at a recent retreat.

Fear this? Maybe. Maybe not.

Some of our brightest pastors have coalesced congregations around preaching the controversies. That takes courage, sure. But even they have had fear. For courage can’t exist without fear. Just like faith can’t exist without uncertainty.

Dealing with a controversy? Our people don’t expect us to be automatons. They’ve been around the block. They too hold a divergence of opinions. This could be the time to gird your loins and spit out the truth. Just be sure to do it in a way that leaves others’ dignity intact, and their right to disagree unchanged.

I’ll never forget when I preached on environmental stewardship as a Christian value in my Wyoming congregation. Ours is a state where coal is king and natural gas is Prince Charming. I thought they might all get mad. But that’s not what happened. Those I least expected demonstrated their support. The rest were unfazed one way or the other. They came back next Sunday, as always. But one particular person, Dave Dingman, began a recycling ministry that touched practically our whole community. I tell the full story in Green Church.

My fear was false. When I took it on, I grew in courage. More importantly, that gave others permission to respond in courageous faith.

F.E.A.R #3: Forgetting Everything’s All Right

Sometimes we get so caught up in trying to manage and handle the life of the church, and make good on our word, that we forget we’re not ultimately in charge. Made a promise you can’t keep? Cast a vision you can’t implement? Fear this? Maybe. Maybe not.

The well-known Denver pastor, Dr. Roger Teel, tells the story about needing $25,000 to make good on a mortgage payment. He was a young minister who had led his congregation in faithful exuberance to stretch and make this commitment. The deadline came and went for the payment to be made. But there wasn’t enough money. They had failed in fundraising. Teel went back to his office to pack up his things, convinced that his tenure at this church was now over. Imagine his surprise, when he found an envelope in his office, with $25,000 dollars in it, given anonymously.
Somehow, when we least expect it, our fears show us that they are false: everything’s all right after all.

F.E.A.R #4: Face Everything and Rise

Fear has its place in the life of faith. But it’s not the final word. When we are able to face what we most fear, we can grow. When our congregations can face what they most fear, they too can grow.

One small church finally faced the facts: it was time to close its doors. They had moved from adolescence into adulthood and finally into maturity. As they topped the rise and picked up speed on the downward side of the hill, they realized they would have to close. But they wanted to do it while there were still people in attendance; people who could attest to the good ministry the church had accomplished. A moving service with 15 souls in attendance was a powerful witness to the loving acts of kindness, the preaching of the gospel, the families who had been cared for, the prayers that had been prayed, and the difference this community of faith had made. It was a touching service that satisfied the needs of the people, spoke to the community, and ultimately made room for an encore congregation to form in that building. The original congregation completed its mission. They made space for new life to rise from their foundation. It was a blessing all around.

Fear is a natural human element. In fact, it’s hard wired into the brain. But it’s not all bad. It gives rise to courage, to faith, to a deep grounding in the presence of God. If we let it, it can help us transform all that’s missing in our lives.

Resolve to Evolve: Be Bold!

This week, I’m continuing to share tips for people of faith who are resolved to evolve in 2014.
 
In case you missed them, Tip #1 was  Get Authentic.   Tip #2 is Get to know Jesus, again.
Here’s Tip#3: Be bold!  
Is there something you’ve been wanting to say?  Or do?  I met with a church leader who told me she has waited 2 years to tell a board that their work was ineffective.  No one was taking action.
The truth is, it was ineffective, partly, because for 2 years, she hadn’t spoken up about what she felt or thought.
I can relate.  I have a persistent fear that if I say what I really see or believe or think then people won’t like me.  Too often I censor what I say.
A friend helped me trace that fear back to it’s roots.  Here’s how it goes:  If people don’t like me, they’ll talk bad about me.  If they talk bad about me, other people won’t like me.  If no one likes me, then there will be no place I fit in.  If there’s no place I fit in, I’ll have no choice but to die.
A-ha!  It’s not an inconsequential fear.  But it’s also not rational.  I thought back to quite a few times when saying something that needed to be said required particular courage. Never once did I die.  Neither did anyone else!  (That’s not true for all people all of the time of course.  Think MLK.  Think Jesus.)
Hmm….maybe the consequences for speaking my mind aren’t as dire as I supposed.  In fact, others expressed relief and gratitude that SOMEBODY finally said SOMETHING.
Leaders lead.  Even when it’s unpopular.
What are others waiting for YOU to say or do?
On this MLK day, as you resolve to evolve, be bold!  When it comes to speaking out for those on the margin, there are no end of things that NEED to be said.   Resolve to say what God has placed on your heart.  Live out your true calling as a leader. Somebody, somewhere, will be grateful you did.
I would love to hear how you are being bold this year!  Or, if you’re having trouble finding the courage to do so.  Let’s talk.